it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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