I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
