i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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