i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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