at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
