On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
