Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize