I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
