its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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