Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
