there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
