I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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