my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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