pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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