at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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