I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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