no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
