So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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