Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
