I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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