Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
