I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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