I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
