I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
