The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
