you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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