guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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