Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
