so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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