please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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