Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
