I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
