Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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