I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
