Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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