Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
