Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
