Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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