Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
