Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
