Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize