I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
