So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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