I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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