Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
