Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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