that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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