Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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