sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
