your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
