Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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