Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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