sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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