so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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