I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
