3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
