and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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