Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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