i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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