Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
