Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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