It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
