He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
