he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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