So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
