I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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