We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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