You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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