fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
