Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
