from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
