I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
