Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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